Mondays happen to be the busiest night of the week with premieres of Dancing With the Stars, Hawaii 5-0, Two and a Half Men, (the premiere of Terra Nova next week) and too many more to mention, but the Charlie Sheen Roast also premiered last night, and as I'm sure you all heard nothing was off limits. Check out the six best jokes from last night's roast in case you missed it.
6. "Prostitutes cost a lot of money, Charlie. Hasn't anyone told you actresses will sleep with you for free? That's Hollywood 101." — William Shatner
5. "If you're winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. Charlie, don't you want to live to see their first 12 steps?" — Jeffrey Ross
4. "Charlie gets a little confused sometimes. He's the only guy who pulls a knife on a woman who's already willing to f--- him." — Kate Walsh
3. "We all know there's a good chance Charlie will be dead soon, so I wrote an obituary. 'Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment' — actually, you know what? I kind of actually just copied Amy Winehouse's obituary. I only had to change three things, though: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says a talent that will be missed." — Seth MacFarlane
2. "The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox." —Anthony Jeselnik
1. "You're just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the '80s and now your old slot is being filled with Ashton Kutcher." — Amy Schumer
No comments:
Post a Comment