Monday, August 17, 2009
ABC ANNOUNCES DANCING WITH THE Z LIST CONTESTANTS
For the past few days, rumors swirled that everyone from LaToya Jackson, Audrina Partridge, Mr. Tori Spelling Dean McDermott and even John and Kate would be sashaying and shantaying across the stage for the new season of Dancing With the Stars. Well, early this morning on Good Morning America, the new footers were announced. Here are the following "celebs" you'll be saying WTF???:
Macy Gray - Crazy singer from the late 90's who sounds like something out of Jim Henson's creature shop
Aaron Carter - former pop star who has Fergie's old meth face before she got all the botox at 35
Kelly Osbourne - loud mouth daughter of Ozzy and Sharon. I wonder if she's taller or shorter than Lil Kim? It don't matter since all them dancers on the show are short anyway.
Melissa Joan Hart - Former bff of Britney Spears and formerly of Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Donny Osmond - Annoying brother to the even more annoying Marie.
Kathy Ireland - Christian designer of shit in one of them Target stores (I think).
Mya - Singer, actress, walking 7/11 and Ghetto Superstar!
Mark Dascasos - Former D list martial arts star and currently the Chairman of Iron Chef America who is more vicious than Tom Collichio and Chef Ramsay combined!
Ashley Hamilton - Was married for five minutes to Shannen Doherty and George Hamilton's non-fake tanned son.
Michael Irvin - One of the "most successful wide receivers" in the history of the NFL. Tom Cruise and Ryan Gaycrest trail right behind (just not in football)
Tom DeLay - He does something in politics. Expect him to be the first one to go.
Natalie Coughlin - Olympic swimming gold medalist.
Joanna Krupa - Model/actress.
Debi Mazar - Former BFF of Vadgezilla and hot bitch from Entourage.
Chuck Liddell - Sexy hunk of a man and Ultimate Fighting Champion star. It will be interesting to see who they pair all his bigness with.
Louie Vito - A famous snowboarder. He must be famous with the MTV set because I have no idea who the fuck he is.
As of most of these people whotry out for this show, Google becomes your best friend because I have no idea who half these bitches are. I'm sure this will be one mess of a season, so my bets are on Aaron "Meth face" Carter, Macy "mop head" Gray, Mark "I forgot to take my meds" Dacascos and Kelly "I hate Xtina" Osbourne. I would root for Miss "I fuck for tracks" Mya (Joss Stone is another one), but like the rest of her career no one cares about her ass.
- 5 Deadly Venoms
- Another Gay Movie
- Blade Runner
- Boy Culture
- Brokeback Mountain
- Die Hard
- Eating Out
- Enter the Dragon
- First Blood
- Friday the 13th (1980)
- Kill Bill
- Mysterious Skin
- Night of the Living Dead
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- Spider Man 2
- The Bourne Trilogy
- The Circuit
- The Crazies (2009)
- The Dark Knight
- The Empire Strikes Back
- The Fluffer
- The Goonies
- The Lost Boys
- The Matrix
- The Monster Squad
- The Road
- The Road Warrior
- The Terminator
- True Lies