Friday, June 5, 2009
JOAN RIVERS CALLS CARRIE PREJEAN A STUPID BITCH
OMG, words cannot describe how much I just love, love, love Joan "Pokah Playah" Rivers. Although a clueless mess when it came to celebrities and what stupid movie they were promoting, it was always fun (or embarrassing) to watch "Live from the Red Carpet" when she hosted with daughter, Melissa. It's always fun to watch after a few cocktails. E! you definitely dropped the ball by giving the gig to Juliana Dehorrorface and that baby rump kisser Ryan Gaycrest.
Anyways, in an advance of her June 25 show at the Gramercy Theater in NYC, Joan gives an interview to Michael Musto in which she lets us know how she truly feels about Annie Duke, Gillian Anderson, Miss California Carrie Prejean, Janeane Garofalo, etc. And, she may be returning to E!
Michael Musto: In other refreshing gender news, you recently won Celebrity Apprentice.
Joan Rivers: I beat Annie Douche! [Meaning Annie Duke.]
MM: Could you have beaten Omarosa?
JR: With a hand tied behind my back. Annie Douche, at least, is smart. Mean as a snake, but smart. Omarosa I could have given tips to on how to wear berets.
MM: The show had you doing a variety of tasks all by yourself. Didn't you miss the beloved entourage?
JR: Of course! It's so much nicer to call someone and say, "I need this printed. Go out and take a couple of Kodak moments, and I'll choose." But it was great to see I could do it, and I loved beating them all out at this age. They were like, "Go sit down and drink some liquid paper. Granny doesn't know liquid paper from milk."
MM: Does the show have any larger meaning aside from prime-time filler?
JR: For me, it became like Dante's Inferno: good versus evil.
MM: And which were you, pray tell?
JR: I'm not sure. I look better in red.
MM: Speaking of evil, did you agree with Donald about retaining Miss California's crown on her empty head?
JR: No. Just shut up. You got your new breasts—smile and shut the fuck up. Why do you think that the fact that you look good in a bikini means you should have an opinion?
MM: I know, but I guess she was asked.
JR: They shouldn't ask.
MM: You're right—just easy stuff like, "What's your middle name?"
JR: And "How much do you weigh?" and "What's in a cheese sandwich?" You stupid bitch. How dare you! Meanwhile, you've been showing your vagina in the wind. That's moral!
MM: Don't hold back, Joan. By the way, who do you hate more: E! or the TV Guide channel?
JR: I'm not bitter about E! at all. I adore E!. We walked out on E!. They were crushed when we left. TV Guide made a mistake. The shits that made the mistake are now out. An old saying of mine is "Don't learn the executives' names. They'll be gone." When I won Apprentice, I got letters from the new people saying, "Come back."
MM: And you would do so?
JR: Michael, I am a whore. I'm playing with She-Dick, and I'm 75 years old! If the money is right, I'd be on the Hitler channel.
MM: I'm already there for free. Hey, what was the feud between you and that stuck-up Gillian Anderson?
JR: She's so gone now. The nice thing is, you just wait around and they all disappear. Coming down the red carpet was always so fascinating. You think, "Who is hot to get this year?" You look back five years and say, "I wanted to thank them?" She was very grand. She always had the attitude of "I smell shit." She turned out to be a very good actress. She did some well-received Henry James things. But maybe she can't act and she did nothing, and everyone said it was deep!
MM: Like me in bed. Didn't you also have a tussle with Janeane Garofalo?
JR: The poor thing's getting older and chubbier. You look at her and go "Brazilian wax"!
- 5 Deadly Venoms
- Another Gay Movie
- Blade Runner
- Boy Culture
- Brokeback Mountain
- Die Hard
- Eating Out
- Enter the Dragon
- First Blood
- Friday the 13th (1980)
- Kill Bill
- Mysterious Skin
- Night of the Living Dead
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- Spider Man 2
- The Bourne Trilogy
- The Circuit
- The Crazies (2009)
- The Dark Knight
- The Empire Strikes Back
- The Fluffer
- The Goonies
- The Lost Boys
- The Matrix
- The Monster Squad
- The Road
- The Road Warrior
- The Terminator
- True Lies