OKAY, NOW I'M ROYALLY FUCKING PISSED! HOW CAN YOU TELL? WELL, I'M FUCKING TYPING IN CAPS LIKE KANYE, THAT'S HOW! WARNER BROTHERS HAS DECIDED TO KILL MORE OF MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES BY REMAKING ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIE'S OF ALL TIME, THE NEVERENDING STORY. FIRST KATE MOSS WAS SEEN WEARING A FUCKING LUCK DRAGON AROUND HER NECK, AND NOW THIS? THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE JUST AIN'T RIGHT.
ACCORDING TO THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER, WARNER BROS. IS PLANNING ON REMAKING THE 80'S CLASSIC THAT CHANGED MY LIFE AS A KID. THE NEVER ENDING STORY GOT ME INTO READING BOOKS AND OPENING UP MY IMAGINATION LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE. I WANTED TO JUMP THROUGH THAT BOOK SO BAD AND GIVE THE EMPRESS A FUCKING NAME SO WE COULD ALL SAVE FANTASIA. I ALSO WANTED TO BANG ATREYU. HE WAS DEFINITELY A HOT PIECE GROWING UP AS A CONFUSED GAY PEA IN NEW YORK CITY. THAT'S HOW MUCH THE ORIGINAL FILM MEANS TO ME. FUCK THE SEQUEL WITH JONATHAN BRANDIS (MAY HE R.I.P.) THEY ALSO SAID THEY PLAN ON GIVING IT A MODERN TWIST. WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? MAKE FALKOR PINK?
I KNOW ONE THING, IF THEY EVEN THINK ABOUT TOUCHING THE GOONIES, I'NM MARCHING MY ASS TO L.A. AND WILL STORM THE WARNER BROTHERS STUDIOS AND LIGHT THOSE ASSHOLE SUITS UP LIKE I'M LYDIA HEARST WITH A MACHINE GUN.
CHECK OUT THE NEVERENDING STORY MUSIC VIDEO BELOW:
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