This shit right here reads like an old Snow White cartoon. According to this week's OK! Magazine they have a story about evil dinosaur Vadgezilla being jealous of her 12-year-old daughter Lourdes.
A source tells the magazine that Vadge knows Lourdes is going to grow up to be a hot bitch and dudes will soon start paying her some attention. This worries Vadge since she wants to be the only HBIC who's non-existant milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard. The source went on to say, "Knowing Madonna's taste for younger guys, it's a matter of course that they'll be dating men the same age. It's disturbing."
Vadge wants to keep Lourdes' beauty locked up like the Knowles family keeps Solange locked up in the basement. At a UNICEF event last year, she refused to let a hairdresser work on her daughter's hair. A nosy bitch said that Vadge "probably didn't want her daughter to look better than her." That probably explains why she keeps her daughter's eyebrows thicker than Frida Khalo's.
Sorry, Vadge. Take it from my idol Cristal Connors, who once said, "There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you." You can't fight the hot. And Lourdes should really watch out, because it's only a matter of time before Vadge tries to steal the hot right off of her.
And it's only a matter of time before Lourdes pushes her down backwards. Just face the hard truth: You're getting old, and there's not enough creams, cat pee, nips, tucks, and plucks you can do about it.
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