Films That Should Be Games

Hollyweird is so busy worrying about how to turn a great videogame into a shiteous movie, they've neglected to notice there are a few films that should be made into videogames. Here are a few films I wouldn't mind wasting a couple hours with in my PS3.



One moment you're walking down the sidewalk minding your own business, the next, a bomb has exploded, your ears are ringing and a fascist police battalion is trying to turn you into a skid mark. Such sudden bursts of incidental action turned Alfonso Cuaron's riveting sci-fi film into something of a survival horror masterpiece, and we're simply flabbergasted that it's yet to be turned into a game (though Valve's Half-Life 2 comes pretty close). The setting alone -- a dystopian future in which women are incapable of reproducing -- is worth a digital treatment, but dig deeper and you'll find the makings of a bona fide hit: unlikely hero, smart pacing, tight action, big explosions, and, best of all, no kids in sight to ruin all the fun.



Nothing against the spectacular Resident Evil games, but slow, shambling zombies who repeatedly bang their heads into the side of a house while mumbling "brains" over and over again is SO 1980's Michael Jackson. The contemporary zombie is smarter than that, quick on its feet, a lithe eating-machine looking to wash down some cerebellum with a tall glass of respect. And if you're looking for that kind of zombie, you're looking at the rageaholics from the stylish horror-fest 28 Days Later or its equally bloodthirsty sequel. Can you imagine free-roaming around an infected Britain while fighting off the toughest undead bastards since the one who wrestled a shark in Lucio Fulci's legendary film Zombie? Talk about a no-brainer.

KILL BILL VOL. 1 & 2



Sick of the video game industry obsessing over oversexualized leading ladies? Us too, and if you can look past Kill Bill's amazing action sequences and awesomely brutal plot, you'll find one of the most righteous women to ever wield a samurai sword. The resilient, multidimensional badass Bride from Quentin Tarantino's two-part tale of kung-fu revenge is equal parts invincible action star and emotional mother, capable of beating up wizened martial arts masters, insane Yakuza gangbangers and even kung-fu poster child David Carradine while dreaming of a better tomorrow for her innocent daughter. That's the kind of mom grown-up gamers would kill for.


Seven Samurai



Few films enjoy the reverence afforded to Akira Kurosawa's astonishing 1954 action epic because few films could hope to be half as influential. The core story -- seven warriors are recruited to protect a poor village from ruthless bandits -- is the archetypal backbone of the role-playing game genre and the blueprint for countless fantasy franchises, including one set in a certain galaxy far, far away. So far, however, its only game treatment has been the futuristic fiasco Seven Samurai 20XX, a loosely related and universally panned hack and slasher that was actually overseen by none other than Kurosawa's son, Hisao. Dad deserved better, and so do we.